Aug. 17th, 2022 04:17 pm
My queer identity
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draconicdogAs is the case for many queer folk, my identity has evolved enormously since I first realized I wasn't cis or straight. My first ever queer identity was as an asexual, which I retained for several years! This was succeeded by my realization that I was definitely not female, and I came out as neutrois and began using they/them pronouns. I unfortunately don't remember many of the specifics after that, but from what I recall, between the ages of 12-15 I somersaulted through dozens of different labels, struggling to understand my experiences and how to identify them. Some of the labels I used to describe myself included:
By the time I was 15, I had comfortably squared away into my maleness, which was ironic given that I spent so long insisting on gender neutrality. My gender identity settled there for a few years, and I decided to transition in every way I could: on April 4th 2017 I started testosterone, on September 11th 2017 my name was legally changed to [irl name that I don't disclose publicly] and my sex marker on my birth certificate was changed from female to male, I completely socially transitioned to male, I started rooming with boys when I went to sleep-away summer camps, and I became someone's boyfriend (twice: December 2017-September 2018 was my first relationship when I was out, and my second is November 2019-present). More recent successes in my transition include getting a hysterectomy on July 7th 2022 and I'm scheduled to get top surgery on September 9th 2022, 23 days away from the writing of this post! I couldn't be more happy living as a trans man; this is the life I was meant to live and I'm curating a body that is meant to be mine.
Interestingly enough, as I became more comfortable in my manhood, I began to expand my gender outwards from binary maleness. In 2021, I decided to grow my hair long for the first time since I was 14, and my shoulder-length hair makes me feel so masculine, especially when I tie it up in a ponytail and you can see the masculine hairline that was gifted to me by testosterone. I also stopped wearing a binder, though that was for medical reasons and my top dysphoria agonizes me every day. Other than my presentation, my gender identity itself is now more than male, as I realized that I'm xenogender about a year and a half ago and I started using neopronouns. The xenic aspect of my gender is pretty difficult to describe concisely, but some ways I can explain it are: aldernic, alterhuman, beast-like, related to landscapes, divinity, cosmic, and oceanic. However: I am not non-binary, I'm just xenogender. I know that non-binary doesn't mean gender neutrality or the absence of gender and rather the deviation from the Western gender binary, but the label just doesn't feel right for me. So, I'm not non-binary, I'm a binary xenogender trans man, and my xenogenders are additive to my manhood.
My sexuality is less central to my queer identity than my gender is, but it's also much more straightforward. For many years, I bounced around a bunch of labels: ace, pan, bi, straight, gay, lesbian, I've literally been every letter in the acronym. As of right now, I'm just a queer dude. Bisexual if you want to be specific, and with a preference for masculinity if you want to be even more specific. I also recently realized that I'm polyamorous, but I'm not currently practicing polyamory as I'm in a monogamous relationship, but I'm happy with where I am.
- Neutrois, agender, demigirl, agender demigirl, genderfluid, asexual, demisexual, homoromantic asexual, homodemiromantic asexual, demiboy, agender demiboy,
By the time I was 15, I had comfortably squared away into my maleness, which was ironic given that I spent so long insisting on gender neutrality. My gender identity settled there for a few years, and I decided to transition in every way I could: on April 4th 2017 I started testosterone, on September 11th 2017 my name was legally changed to [irl name that I don't disclose publicly] and my sex marker on my birth certificate was changed from female to male, I completely socially transitioned to male, I started rooming with boys when I went to sleep-away summer camps, and I became someone's boyfriend (twice: December 2017-September 2018 was my first relationship when I was out, and my second is November 2019-present). More recent successes in my transition include getting a hysterectomy on July 7th 2022 and I'm scheduled to get top surgery on September 9th 2022, 23 days away from the writing of this post! I couldn't be more happy living as a trans man; this is the life I was meant to live and I'm curating a body that is meant to be mine.
Interestingly enough, as I became more comfortable in my manhood, I began to expand my gender outwards from binary maleness. In 2021, I decided to grow my hair long for the first time since I was 14, and my shoulder-length hair makes me feel so masculine, especially when I tie it up in a ponytail and you can see the masculine hairline that was gifted to me by testosterone. I also stopped wearing a binder, though that was for medical reasons and my top dysphoria agonizes me every day. Other than my presentation, my gender identity itself is now more than male, as I realized that I'm xenogender about a year and a half ago and I started using neopronouns. The xenic aspect of my gender is pretty difficult to describe concisely, but some ways I can explain it are: aldernic, alterhuman, beast-like, related to landscapes, divinity, cosmic, and oceanic. However: I am not non-binary, I'm just xenogender. I know that non-binary doesn't mean gender neutrality or the absence of gender and rather the deviation from the Western gender binary, but the label just doesn't feel right for me. So, I'm not non-binary, I'm a binary xenogender trans man, and my xenogenders are additive to my manhood.
My sexuality is less central to my queer identity than my gender is, but it's also much more straightforward. For many years, I bounced around a bunch of labels: ace, pan, bi, straight, gay, lesbian, I've literally been every letter in the acronym. As of right now, I'm just a queer dude. Bisexual if you want to be specific, and with a preference for masculinity if you want to be even more specific. I also recently realized that I'm polyamorous, but I'm not currently practicing polyamory as I'm in a monogamous relationship, but I'm happy with where I am.
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